


Stupid Regrets (Round Two)

by ShyVioletCat



Series: Stupid Regrets [1]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, things got complicated, unknown baby daddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25819807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyVioletCat/pseuds/ShyVioletCat
Summary: Tumblr request to do an AU of my Stupid Regrets fic where Aelin confesses... this is what happened.
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Rowaelin - Relationship
Series: Stupid Regrets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1873390
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

Aelin didn’t know what she was doing here. There was no reason for her to be here on her bestfriend’s doorstep the morning of her wedding. She was going to marry Sam at noon today but right now she stood on Rowan’s doorstep, waiting for him to answer. 

Running was still an option, she was yet to hear his footsteps coming towards the door. It was the sensible thing to do, the right thing to do, considering the thoughts that we’re going through her head. But she didn’t move, Aelin stayed right where she was as those footsteps finally made their way to her. Rowan opened the door, dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, surprise written plainly on his face. 

“Aelin, what are you doing here?” He asked. 

Aelin didn’t wait to be invited in before she moved past him into his house. She went straight to his living room, but she didn’t sit. She paced, not wanting to be still. 

“What’s wrong?” Rowan asked as he followed her. 

“I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be doing _this_ ,” Aelin waved frantically in front of herself. “I should not be doing this.”

“What? Shouldn’t be doing what?” Rowan asked, softly as if he was worried about startling her. 

Aelin knew what she looked like. She was dressed in a silk pyjama playsuit, and thin floral robe over her shoulders. Her makeup was done, but her hair was still a mess. The hairstylist had been fingering product through it when Aelin said she just needed a quiet moment and walked out to the back garden at her parent’s house, their place grander and prettier for photos than her own dingy little townhouse. No one had noticed when she picked up her car keys on the way out. 

And then she’d driven here. To him. 

Aelin stopped her pacing, but she looked at nothing when she said, “Do you love me, Rowan?”

“Of course I love you,” Rowan said, but his voice was too light. He didn’t understand her question. 

Aelin looked up at him. “Rowan, do you love me?”

Rowan’s face faltered. “Aelin… you can’t —“

“Answer the question,” Aelin said as she walked towards him. When she stopped he took two steps back. 

“You’re getting married today,” Rowan said quietly. 

“That’s not an answer,” Aelin said as she closed the distance between them again. Rowan couldn’t go anywhere, she had him backed against a wall. 

“It should be.”

Those three words near knocked the breath out of her chest. But Aelin needed to know, so she lay one hand over Rowan’s heart, the other on his cheek. Then she breathed, “Please.”

She could feel Rowan’s erratic heartbeat beneath her palm, it matched her own thunderous heartbeat she could hear pounding in her ears. 

His fingers were shaking as they tilted her chin up to look at him and said, “No.”

Aelin’s body shuddered, tasting, seeing, feeling the lie. The hand over his heart went to his cheek, his face now cradled between her hands. “Can you pretend to love me, just once? Kiss, me and just pretend.”

This time it was Rowan’s body that shuddered and his hands gripped her hips. “If I do, I won’t be able to stop.”

Aelin pressed into him, Rowan’s hand slipping beneath her robe and up her back, bringing her closer. His breath warmed her lips but her next words stopped his breathing entirely. 

“Then don’t.”

~~~~~

Rowan shouldn’t be here. After what he and Aelin had done this morning he should not be here seated on her side of the aisle, waiting for her to come in and pretend like nothing had happened like he was currently doing. 

When their lips had met there had been no stopping, for either of them. He had been in love with Aelin for years, their timings had just never matched up. He had just broken up with Remelle when Aelin and Sam got together. Rowan had been happy when they had fallen head over heels for each other, he’d been happy when she told him they were getting married. What he felt didn’t matter as long as Aelin was happy. Then she had turned up on his doorstep, then she had kissed him, then he had lifted her up pinning her to the wall and they had not stopped until they were both stripped bare in every way. They had been stupid and reckless, and Rowan was already drowning in regret. 

Having sex with his best friend on the morning of her wedding to someone else was not something Rowan ever imagined himself doing. And yet he had. 

The guests were getting restless. Aelin wasn’t usually late to anything, but people all around him were checking the time, even Sam had glanced at his watch a few times. Rowan should use this as an opportunity to leave, runaway like a coward. He was about to do just that when the door of the church creaked open and hurried footsteps came down the aisle. It was Lysandra, and as she hurried closer and closer to where Sam stood Rowan’s heart began to sink to the pit of his stomach. Sam walked down those few steps and met Lysandra at the bottom of them. No one could hear what she said to him, but from the way Sam’s face fell everyone in the chapel knew what she had told him. 

Aelin wasn’t coming. 

~~~~~

_6 weeks later…_

The hotel that Aelin was staying in was slowly draining her savings, already so depleted from wedding expenses. A wedding she never had. When she had lent her head against Rowan’s, both of them panting and near dizzy as their bodies struggled to come down from the high they had shared, Aelin knew she wasn’t going back to get ready and put her wedding dress on to marry Sam. Instead she had driven to her townhouse, backed a bag and left a note for him saying how sorry she was. Aelin had been a coward and not told him why, all it said was that she was sorry, she loved him and she would regret this for the rest of her life. 

Every time Aelin thought about what she had done to him she wanted to vomit. When that feeling lasted a week straight she began to worry. When her period was two weeks late she began to freak out. When a dozen pregnancy tests had come back positive Aelin barely left her room for days. 

Her once perfect life was shattered, broken fragments biting into her skin like shards of glass. One fact kept replaying over and over in her head, guilt and regret eating away at her… She was pregnant and she had no idea who the father was. 


	2. Chapter 2

It had been about two months since her almost wedding and Aelin was still in Rifthold. Her parents knew where she was, she had told them almost immediately so that they could let everyone else know that she was safe and to leave her alone. She hadn’t told them anything else though, why she had fled or… the baby. 

No one except Aelin knew about the baby, she didn’t know how she was meant to tell anybody without losing herself in a labyrinth of guilt and despair. She had been to a doctor to confirm it and going off her dates there was no way to determine from that who the father was. The baby could be Sam’s. But the baby could also be Rowan’s. It would take a DNA test, that she couldn’t take for weeks yet to determine it. But even then she would need at least one of the father’s to agree to take the test.

The two of them had been the worst offenders when it came to going against her wishes to be left alone. They both called and texted multiple times a day. Aelin didn’t answer either of them, didn’t read their texts and she refused to listen to the voicemails, she couldn’t bear to hear their concern. Not after what she had done.

Now she was at the grocery store staring at the wall of cereal boxes in front of her. By some miracle her morning sickness hadn’t been too bad and she managed to get away with just a near constant feeling of nausea and some pretty frequent headaches, but besides those initial few weeks when she had started staying in the hotel she had managed to keep the vomiting to a minimum. But it was still a battle to keep herself fed when everything seemed so unappealing. Even though her parents had started paying for her accommodation, she wasn’t going to prey on their kindness by ordering room service. Almost entirely at random she grabbed a box of cereal off the shelf and put it in the basket. It was then she heard a familiar voice that had her whole body freezing where it was.

“Well, if it isn’t the runaway bride herself.”

Aelin turned to see Dorian smirking at her with his sapphire eyes shining with humour. But when she saw her face, saw how pale and drawn she was, his face fell and the teasing stopped. 

He stepped closer, his hand hovering by her elbow. “Gods, Aelin. Are you alright?”

The question broke her, before Aelin really even knew she was doing she had dropped her basket and her arms were around his neck as she sobbed into his shoulder. Dorian’s arms wrapped around her and he rubbed her back soothingly.

“It’s alright, I’m here. It’s okay,” he murmured into her ear.

But it wasn’t. It was that fact that made Aelin cry harder.

~~~~~

Dorian had helped her with the rest of her shopping and driven her back to the hotel himself. Even though she insisted she was now fine, _he_ insisted that he help her take her things up. She suspected that he wanted to talk and after holding everything in all these weeks Aelin was worried that she might do just that. Aelin tucked herself into the lone armchair as Dorian put her perishables away, he didn’t say a word and neither did she. As Dorian put the milk in the fridge Aelin noticed the jar of prenatal vitamins on the counter. She couldn’t move quick enough and when Dorian turned around his gaze followed hers and he saw what was on the counter.

His face was a picture of disbelief as he looked from the vitamins to her, and back again. He stepped out of the kitchenette and sat at one of the chairs at the small dining set. 

“Are you pregnant?” Dorian asked, his voice quiet. Aelin could only nod as she felt tears building in her eyes. “Is that why…”

Dorian didn’t get to finish his question as she shook her head. “I didn’t find out until after.”

“Why’d you do it then?”

Aelin’s whole body shuddered as she inhaled. “I slept with Rowan.”

“When?” Dorian wasn’t able to hide his shock.

Aelin couldn’t say the words, she hid her face in her hands as hot tears fell from her eyes.

“Is the baby Rowan’s?” Dorian asked but Aelin didn’t answer. She didn’t move. “Is it Sam’s?”

“I don’t know.” Aelin’s voice was so small she wasn’t sure if Dorian heard it. But from the low swearing that came from his mouth she figured he had.

Neither of them said anything for a long while, then Dorian smacked his hands on the bench.

“Right, pack your things,” he said.

Aelin looked up at him, not bothering to wipe the tears from her face. “Why?”

Dorian was starting to empty the cupboards onto the bench when he said. “You’re coming to stay with me.”

~~~~~

It had only taken an hour or so of being with Dorian for Aelin to tell him everything. After she had she felt lighter, not better, but lighter that she wasn’t now carrying around all that weight by herself. Dorian had been very accommodating, the guest room was hers and he made sure she was getting enough to eat even when she didn’t feel like it. Aelin had been staying with him for about a week and they were sitting in front of his ridiculously large TV watching a movie when he cleared his throat a little awkwardly. Aelin looked over at him, but he only gave her a brief glance before looking down at his phone.

“So, I… um,” Dorian rubbed the back of his neck. “I called your mother to let her know you were staying with me.” 

Aelin felt the blood drain from her face. “Please tell me that’s all you told her.”

“She needed to know, Aelin. She can help,” Dorian said.

Aelin’s hand started to shake, and her throat was getting tight. She didn’t have a good handle on her emotions these days so when her anger rose, it was so fast it almost made her dizzy.

“How could you?” Aelin demanded. “You were supposed to be my friend. That’s all…that’s all I asked of you. To be my friend. To care. Why would you do this to me?”

Dorian’s voice was calm when he spoke. “Because I am your friend, and there’s only so much I can do. You need your family right now, Aelin. They are going out of their minds worrying about you. Let them help.”

There was a knock at the door and Dorian didn’t hesitate before he stood up to answer it. The shock of his betrayal slowed her down and he was almost at the door by the time Aelin had stood as well and was following him.

“What did you do?” Aelin hissed but then Dorian opening the door, and Evalin Galathynius was standing just outside the apartment. All the fight left Aelin at the sight of her mother, her soft features clouded with worry as she looked over her daughter, her sharp gaze missing nothing. Aelin’s voice was all but a whisper as she said one single word. “Mum.”

Evalin was through the door less than a heartbeat later, Aelin in her arms in a comforting hug that only a mother could give. “I’m here, Fireheart,” she said as she held her daughter a little tighter. “I’m here.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dorian walked straight past them and closed the door behind him.

For a few long moments the only sound in the apartment was Aelin’s muffled sobbing into her mother’s shoulder and the TV that was still playing. Eventually Evalin pulled away and put her hands on Aelin’s face.

“Aelin, what happened? Why did you leave?” She asked.

Aelin used her sleeve to wipe her nose and said thickly, “Can we sit down?”

Her mother didn’t say anything, just held her hand as Aelin led the way to the couch and sat down. Evalin didn’t push, she just waited for Aelin to say something. Aelin dabbed at her nose again, trying to figure out how to say what she needed to as she turned the TV off. She feared the judgement, the disappointment, everything her parents had paid for and hoped for had been ruined. They loved Sam, they were looking forward to him being their son-in-law. And Aelin had gone and ruined it. So, Aelin just bit the bullet.

“I’m pregnant,” Aelin all but whispered.

Her mother’s eyes went wide with shock, then her features twisted into confusion.

“Aelin, that’s wonderful,” Evalin asked but when Aelin didn’t answer she pressed. “Sam wouldn’t be upset at all, I don’t understand.”

Aelin's body shuddered as she tried to take a steadying breath, her voice so quiet when she spoke. “I don’t know if it’s Sam’s.”

One, two, three heartbeats pounded in Aelin’s ears before her mother asked the loaded question.

“What do you mean you don’t know if it's Sam’s?”

“I went to see Rowan,” Aelin said. Her voice was void of emotion, she was simply recounting what she had thought about for months. “I went to see Rowan and I kissed him and we… I ran after that. I couldn’t face Sam. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until weeks after I arrived here. So I don’t know who the father is.”

“I see,” Evalin said.

That was all she said until Aelin looked up. She couldn't read the look on her mother’s face, but she could tell she was withholding something by the tightness of her mouth. So Aelin waited, knowing her mother could cut her down with a few words. They didn’t often fight or disagree but when they did it was enough to bring down a house. Evalin blew out a breath, looking down and shaking her head slightly. Still Aelin waited for her mother to say something, anything.

“You need to talk to Sam,” Evalin said at last. “You need to talk to both of them. They call us almost everyday, and it has been four months. You need to talk to them, this isn’t fair to them.”

There was no anger in Evalin’s words, just hard truth. Aelin knew her mother was right, the radio silence wasn’t fair to anyone. But what was she supposed to say?

“You need to decide what you want,” Evalin said as if reading her thoughts and reached out for Aelin’s hand. “You need to decide _who_ you want.”

“But the baby, Mum, what I did. How am I supposed to fix any of that?” Aelin said as her tears began to fall again.

“Fireheart, this isn’t something you can fix. This is something you have to face, talk about and work through. But Sam and Rowan deserve to know, but you have to be ready for whatever they decide to do as well.”

“I’m so scared,” Aelin said quietly and covered her face with her hands. Her mother’s arms were around her again and Aelin kept crying. They sat that way for a long while until Aelin’s tears turned into determination and she knew what she had to do.

~~~~~

Aelin decided she wanted to be in public to make these phone calls, less of a chance of her losing it completely if there was a public audience. So Aelin sat on a bench, overlooking the Florine River, her phone in her hand. Her mother was a little ways away, on the phone herself, no doubt talking to her father, filling him in on everything.

Rowan’s number was staring up at her, one tap away and he would be on the other end of the phone call. Aelin had decided that she would call him first, see where he stood. She loved Rowan, he was the one… No. She would not think about that now. She needed to talk to him first.

With one last deep breath that almost choked her, Aelin tapped the number and put the phone to her ear. It only took two rings for Rowan to pick up his voice near frantic as he said her name.

“Aelin?”

“Hi Rowan,” Aelin said.

“Gods, Ae. Where have you been? I’ve been worried,” he asked.

“We need to talk,” Aelin told him, ignoring his question. “I —“

“No let me go first, please,” Rowan sounded desperate.

“Okay,” Aelin aquienced.

“That morning. It was a mistake, I have been regretting it since the moment you closed my front door behind you. I should have told you to leave, to marry Sam. He is the one you were meant to be with, and because I was weak and stupid I ruined that for you. You need to fix that, Aelin. It’s what you deserve. What we had was nothing compared to what you can have. Being with you isn’t what I want. So please, please leave me behind.”

Aelin was silent. Just trying to fathom what he had said. He didn’t want her, and if he didn’t want her how was she supposed to tell him about the baby?

“Aelin, you still there?”

“Yes I am, I’m here,” Aelin said, her voice shaking a little. “You’re right. That’s what I was calling to tell you. I just… I just wanted to say goodbye, and maybe later we can talk again. I don’t know when, but maybe,” her voice cracked, “maybe later we can talk.”

“I would like that,” Rowan said. “Goodbye, Aelin.”

“Goodbye, Rowan.”

The finality of those words broke Aelin’s heart and it took everything in her not to break at that moment. Still tears stung her eyes, but she kept them at bay as she pulled up Sam’s number. She wouldn’t call him, she couldn’t. Instead she brought up the message thread, full of messages from him and none from her. This would be the first text she sent to him in months. Her fingers shook as she typed, but she persevered.

_Sam. I am so sorry. You need to let me go. I’m sorry for what I did. What exactly, I don’t have the strength to tell you right now but I need you to believe me when I say there isn’t another chance for us. You need to realise what we had is too broken to fix and you need to let it and us go. I will regret what I ruined for the rest of my life. You are better off without me, but know I loved you. You gave me everything, and it was never enough. I’m sorry…_

The first tear fell as she hit send.

~~~~~

Aelin walked down the hallway back to Dorian’s apartment. Her mother was staying for a few days and she had booked at a hotel not too far away. She had dropped Aelin off at her request. She needed to lie down. She needed to lie down and cry and sleep. Aelin barely had the energy to knock on Dorianos door, her key forgotten somewhere inside. Footsteps sounded and she heard him come to the door then he opened it.

“So I’m forgiven enough that you’ll be dining with me tonight?” He asked, not a hint of resentment for the anger she had thrown him earlier.

Aelin’s shoulders sagged. “I have nowhere else to go.”

Dorian took her hand, pulling her into an embrace. “You will always have a place here.”

Aelin cried, gripping Dorian tighter like he was the last thing holding her together when everything else is falling apart.


End file.
